How I kept British troops in Basra

Yesterday, I single-handedly changed America's relations with Great Britain. I was standing on the National Mall, as I often do on Monday afternoons reserving the field for the award-winning Harkin Heroe's softball team. Since a storm was brewing and the humidty induced sweat in my hair was being replaced by bountiful rain drops, I had to put Harry Potter away and find other means of entertainment. Thank God I had a soccer ball because that's what shaped everything.

Well unlike Mr. Bush, I knew that Gordon Brown wasn't a famous rugby star, though he did play in high school. And like every male with the slightest interest in sports born outside of North America, loves soccer. So I enter the story on Gordon Brown's historic first visit to the United States as PM. As I was practicing my Ronaldinho impression, Bush and Brown's motorcade drove by me on the mall. I saw Brown look right at me, and then turn to Bush and make a comment. I'm pretty sure this is what he said in his gruffy, Scottish accent:

"Damn, you eejits actually play football, what kind of pitch is that w/o goals."

"Damn straight we play football, the American way."

[mutters under his breath] "He really is as dumb as yer man said."

Still, this is my thought: Today, Brown announced that he would delay bringing troops home from Iraq. After seeing yours truly play the world's sport on the National Mall, a certain nostalgia came over Brown. America can't be all bad if we have youngsters playing soccer right here in our nation's capitol. I can't give up yet, no matter if the leader of the free world is a dimwit. I think the city of Basra owes me (and Brown) a thank you.